No Touch Monkey!

Ok, so I'm back after an extended hiatus.I'm not going to make excuses and promise to always be here. Let's face it, Twitter is awesome. It allows me to update my bullshit in real time. But with the death of Mac Tonnies, it's caused me to reevaluate how much I want to share myself and the things I encounter with the world.

Those who follow me on Twitter already know how broken up I am over Mac's death.What makes me saddest of all is that to my knowledge, he was not a romantic relationship, and as I understand it, had a lot of difficulty finding and maintaining one.And I think was a symptom of his core sadness which surfaced from time to time in his posts and his Tweets. I think we shared a general feeling of isolation from the rest of the world, but it was more pronounced with Mac. You could see it in his photographs, of what he chose as his subjects: Statues, Manikins, automatons, architecture...not a lot of people (though you're there).

Sigh. Of course Mac had friends, good friends and caring friends. I know I'm attributing personality to Mac that may or may not be there, but those were the impressions I got from "reading" him. I knew that as much as he had hope for a digital, exobiotic future, the here and now ground down upon him daily. You have to have hope for the future when the present sucks so bad. And I believe that as distant as Mac thought he felt from everyone, he had an incredible empathy for the animals, the disenfranchised, and the have nots.

I'm sad because he didn't have the time to live where he wanted, to find a fulfilling daily job or career.But, I'm saddest of all because he didn't have enough time to fill the hole which I am sure bedeviled and plagued him to the end of his days. Me, I like to remember him smiling.

Other Things

Much to my surprise I'm still keeping up with the weirdness.I've been sidelined all Summer with a foot injury from simultaneously doing extensive yoga and a Fitness Boot Camp in the park with crappy shoes. My foot still hurts after physical therapy and a Cortezone shot, so it may require surgery, though I'm not taking the time to look into the MRI. Which is foolish. I should do that. I guess I will.

Anyway, I ended up putting on a few pounds and feeling out of shape, so I set up my bike trainer in the basement to do some stationary cycling. The problem is, now the guest room is down there instead of the office, so I have to cycle out in the boring unfinished part (with no TV). So rather than be bored staring at the air conditioner I decided to make my own entertainment by strapping on my www.mindfold.com/ installing some ear plugs and doing Sensory Deprivation Cycling.

So far the results are not that much different from when I do this laying on a couch. Part of me is observer, part participant. The hardest thing to do at the moment is to concentrate on looking out through my eyes instead of rolling the up and looking upon my inner eye.

But that doesn't tell you anything does it? Ok...Here are things I've seen: Sometimes I can look out into the void before my eyes and feel the space. The basement walls vanish and it's just void. The the abstract shapes appear. Sometimes they are skull-like (since I've been drawing skulls), or alien grays (last night because of Mac). I get flashes of yellow/green in my peripheral vision. And I know that my mask is sealed tight.

click to enlarge




A few times I was able to lose my identity in the cycling and the vision for a few seconds before I panic about falling off the bike or the bike unmooring from the trainer, but so far it's taken all the speed and energy I can throw at it and dismounted. Hmmm perhaps I should do an inspection run before hand.

Also sometimes my inner monologue changes voice. I've had it in the past become black women, old people, Hispanic...others not mine. When that happens, I wonder if a blow to the head will cause me to speak with a new accent.Foreign accent syndrome. Last night I got a Hispanic accent which sounded a lot like Antonio Banderas. Go figure. Also for the first time I got an olfactory hit of airplane glue after a chain association made me think of the plastic Star Trek Phaser and Tricorder I build as a child.

So I'll continue to do these sense dep cyclings, and broadcast them on-line because...well, why not?

Even if Mac is gone, we still follow the motto of Planetary: It's a strange world, let's keep it that way.

Labels: Art, Aww Man, drawing, Friends

This is me talking abbreviated speaking in aggregates.

Whaaaa, it's too cold...where's my Spring. It's too cold...where's my Spring. Crap it's raining again? I demand my Spring.

I'm pussing out of today's Boot Camp because the mosquitoes are swarming big time!

Holy Crap, it's 80 fucking degrees in my house and I have to take another shower and turn on the AC. I gotta blog this shit. Whaaaaa!

Labels: Aww Man, The Cap'n

Today I was told that I didn't get the job I wanted at the company I want to work for. For those who didn't get the secret post, the interview was a disaster. My portfolio melted in my car over the Summer and the Interviewer found a typo on my resume that has been there at least 6 years. This for a position which requires Rain Man-esque attention to detail.

While I'm very disappointed, at least this experience has opened a new direction for skill set acquisition. I spoke to my friend Larry at Viva Vox today. He has minimal funding, no more full-time employees and his regular gig at a one Juvenile Detention Facility has been put on hiatus for this year until he gets some funding. But he's still plugging away following his dream.

So what do I have? Temp gigs. And that's good enough for now.

I have to end this post here and get back to my work. The chair won't draw itself.

Labels: Aww Man, balloon popping, The Cap'n

You know, I normally stay away from tech gadgets because I can't afford them, and by not keeping ahead of the curve, I don't feed what would surely be an addiction. Disclosure statement: I have a MacBook Pro that I'm on nearly round the clock at home.

So when the iPhone came out I just kind of went, "Yeah, that's cool in theory, but I'll never get one because they too expensive, and really...BFD."

Well today we happened to be a the mall and we happened by the Mac Store when Alessandra mentioned that they probably have them on display there. Holy crap is that fucking cool!


iphone photo from the store

So as a note to my mom from a discussion we had just Thrusday: Yeah, I could easily see myself with one, and yeah it probably is worth the money.

Too bad I can't afford the little bastard.

Labels: Aww Man

If your child is puking from a stomach virus, don't take him to a fucking party to infect everyone. There are 5 known people who were sick yesterday and today. And on top of that, apparently the child was sick until Sunday when many of the guests attended (not me) a party in sickboys honor.

From the bottom of my large intestine, thanks. I haven't been sick in over a year, it's nice to be reminded what living death feels like.

Labels: Aww Man

Child's play makes mess of elaborate sand mandala

"Kansas City, Mo. - The little boy spotted the pretty pile of colored sand on the floor of the vast hall and couldn't resist.

Slipping under a protective rope, he danced all over the sand, ruining the carefully crafted picture.

Never mind that it was the creation of eight Tibetan monks who had spent two days cross- legged on the floor of Union Station, meticulously pouring the sand into an intricate design as an expression of their Buddhist faith.

They were more than halfway done with the design - called a mandala - on Tuesday when they ended their work for the day and left. The little boy showed up sometime later with his mother, who was taking a package to a post office.

'He did a little Sand Painting tap dance on it, completely destroying it,' said Lama Chuck Stanford of the Rime Buddhist Center in Kansas City.

Link to Sand Dancing Video

That's worth a "Hahahaha", but an "OH NO! too. At least the monks have cultivated the mindset of the fleeting nature of art, so it was no big loss.

Labels: Ahahahahaha, Aww Man

After being told repeatedly by my placement agency that "everyone thinks you are doing a great job" and "everybody really likes you" at the place I'm working; today I received news that the client was terminating my all too brief temporary production gig at their company.

Apparently I made some comments which they said didn't jibe with their idea of a full time employee and they felt I didn't belong there.

What were these comments? When asked, the placement representative said that I referred to the Color Correction guy as "competition." and another comment was made about my disappointment that hours were being taken away from me and given to the said Color Correction guy.

Yes, that's it. The only thing I apparently said. That's what told them I was not T_ material. Despite the fact this guy was in fact working on my jobs while I was asked not to come in, and mentioning it was grounds for dismissal.

I can clearly see that this was a result of relaxing my guard around some people. I mentioned in my April 23 post "it's almost like they are treating me like a regular, but I can't forget I'm the temp because if that happens, you can bet something is going to turn around and bite me on the ass." I did and look what happened.

All I can think of is the only woman I told my concerns to (as well as telling her how much I hoped I could be brought in full time), is the same woman who totally bagged on the place, told me that I didn't want to work there and said she was looking for another job because she hated being there. She's the only one I had this discussion with.

But I don't know. I'm not a fucking watchmaker, I can't see the mechanism that works behind the dial and I can't read anything into it, nor make any judgement calls because I really don't know who fingered me.

All I know is I'm totally reeling about today. I was on super-good behavior too! I was stepping up and taking responsibility for going above the duty of a standard temp, smiling to everyone, bringing in music to the mp3 archive, donating props to photo shoots, helping the Intern. I was hoping to go full time and now I'm back on the couch with a phone in my hand.

I sent them a their parking passes back with a nice thank you letter, and it is sincere. I'm totally baffled. This really fucking sucks.

Labels: Aww Man, Holy Shit, personal, work, WTF

Since the early 1990s scientists have been putting these compounds through their paces, using double-blind randomised controlled trials - the gold standard for medical intervention studies. Time and again, however, the supplements failed to pass the test. True, they knock the wind out of free radicals in a test tube. But once inside the human body, they seem strangely powerless. Not only are they bad at preventing oxidative damage, they can even make things worse. Many scientists are now concluding that, at best, they are a waste of time and money. At worst they could be harmful.

This is related to the upcoming post (see below), but not the post itself.

Labels: Aww Man, balloon popping