a little sprite of a human
I’ve lurked about here on EA for a while and finally became a silent member upon Mark’s urging a while back. I am not sure why he asked me exactly, except that I have always felt akin to the concept of an “Avatar” before I really knew what the hell it really meant. I think that Mark sensed it in me (as I’ve sensed a similar quality in him), so he invited me to join.
For the most part, I am still a student of what I am and what I can be but slowly unfolding that potential and understanding through the long and short years. I’ve felt that my words might not be worthy of this weblog because I’ve felt disconnected more than I feel I should be to inject my thoughts….but yes, I understand, part of that disconnect is part of the discussion here.
Although instead of getting into the throws of my personal struggles, I want to mention a new beautiful energy in my life-- Blue. Blue is my nearly-five-month-old daughter-- a little sprite of a human that floods me with a constant stream of joy and happiness-- as little as that might be in the whole scope of the day, it’s enough to change me. Gawd, I don’t want to sound cliché by any means about this so I won’t bore you with that too much….
But the thing I have to mention is that every morning, when I crawl out of bed around 6:30 after finally finding slumber around 2 or 3am, my body begins a Pavlov-dog-like drool of the anticipation of the energy I’m about to receive. Every morning, no matter how tired or rested or hungover I might be, I go into Blue’s room to greet my little human friend. And after a brief but somewhat groggy awakening, she looks up at me and gives me the most genuine and glorious smile I have ever known. It is pure happiness, fed straight from the universe inside this little person directly into my being.
I know I can’t do it justice. I can’t describe the feeling well enough to illustrate the immense feeling of love and joy and everything else that goes along with it. She is happy to see me…. at least, until she realizes she’s hungry and needs to visit one of my wife’s boobs. But it’s a universal constant for me right now, as short-lived as it might be. I am swarmed with her bright-eyed, sponge-like feast on being happy, and my spirit is reminded that there is still hope for us little humans.
And don’t get me wrong – I love the pooping and spitting up and crying and all the other crazy and wonderful things going on with her as she learns and grows, but DAMN if that morning smile isn’t just a divine experience. And that divinity without dogma is pure spirit, and pure spirit is of the avatar. So, with that, I adapt my journey with a new sense of what happiness can mean every single day and wish her to have more of it than what’s sensible in this world, in these times.
:)
But then it hits me…. when does that happiness leave us? When was the last time I woke up with that much joy everyday, that consistently? Sure, I think I recall something similar at the anticipation of the that christmas morning when I thought I might be getting an Atari 2600-- but hell, I don’t recall much other similar everyday joy…. Well, except the little bit when Blue charges me up everyday for the last few months, that is. So when will she lose it? When will her happiness be consumed by responsibility and the reality of the dreadful way our culture is squandering our potential?
Am I naïve to think that we as a global culture can work toward maintaining much of that Everyday Happiness throughout our existence? I mean, it seems like we’re smart enough to make it happen if we just work a little toward it – just a simple matter of making sure everyone on this planet has food, water, good health and a roof over their heads, right? (That would be a helluva lot cheaper than bombing everyone, by the way). Nothing a few household replicators powered by solar and geothermic energy couldn’t fix, eh? Yeah, well, I know I’m naïve, but it’s a nice place to visit every once in a while, especially on something as real as that smile.
For the most part, I am still a student of what I am and what I can be but slowly unfolding that potential and understanding through the long and short years. I’ve felt that my words might not be worthy of this weblog because I’ve felt disconnected more than I feel I should be to inject my thoughts….but yes, I understand, part of that disconnect is part of the discussion here.
Although instead of getting into the throws of my personal struggles, I want to mention a new beautiful energy in my life-- Blue. Blue is my nearly-five-month-old daughter-- a little sprite of a human that floods me with a constant stream of joy and happiness-- as little as that might be in the whole scope of the day, it’s enough to change me. Gawd, I don’t want to sound cliché by any means about this so I won’t bore you with that too much….
But the thing I have to mention is that every morning, when I crawl out of bed around 6:30 after finally finding slumber around 2 or 3am, my body begins a Pavlov-dog-like drool of the anticipation of the energy I’m about to receive. Every morning, no matter how tired or rested or hungover I might be, I go into Blue’s room to greet my little human friend. And after a brief but somewhat groggy awakening, she looks up at me and gives me the most genuine and glorious smile I have ever known. It is pure happiness, fed straight from the universe inside this little person directly into my being.
I know I can’t do it justice. I can’t describe the feeling well enough to illustrate the immense feeling of love and joy and everything else that goes along with it. She is happy to see me…. at least, until she realizes she’s hungry and needs to visit one of my wife’s boobs. But it’s a universal constant for me right now, as short-lived as it might be. I am swarmed with her bright-eyed, sponge-like feast on being happy, and my spirit is reminded that there is still hope for us little humans.
And don’t get me wrong – I love the pooping and spitting up and crying and all the other crazy and wonderful things going on with her as she learns and grows, but DAMN if that morning smile isn’t just a divine experience. And that divinity without dogma is pure spirit, and pure spirit is of the avatar. So, with that, I adapt my journey with a new sense of what happiness can mean every single day and wish her to have more of it than what’s sensible in this world, in these times.
:)
But then it hits me…. when does that happiness leave us? When was the last time I woke up with that much joy everyday, that consistently? Sure, I think I recall something similar at the anticipation of the that christmas morning when I thought I might be getting an Atari 2600-- but hell, I don’t recall much other similar everyday joy…. Well, except the little bit when Blue charges me up everyday for the last few months, that is. So when will she lose it? When will her happiness be consumed by responsibility and the reality of the dreadful way our culture is squandering our potential?
Am I naïve to think that we as a global culture can work toward maintaining much of that Everyday Happiness throughout our existence? I mean, it seems like we’re smart enough to make it happen if we just work a little toward it – just a simple matter of making sure everyone on this planet has food, water, good health and a roof over their heads, right? (That would be a helluva lot cheaper than bombing everyone, by the way). Nothing a few household replicators powered by solar and geothermic energy couldn’t fix, eh? Yeah, well, I know I’m naïve, but it’s a nice place to visit every once in a while, especially on something as real as that smile.
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