Avatar of Change
I think I can feel the chemical at work in my head, reshaping who I am to be. At night there was lots of, for want of a better word, lightning as I felt fragments of myself sliding around into a new configuration.
Everyday is a new me, tied only together by the history of myself. Who would I wake up as? It was good question, and one that was there last night as I was disoriented 5 ways from Tuesday.
The evolution of myself over the last 8 years has been a strange one that has left me further from where I thought I would be. Slowly day by day, fear and negativity has crept into my life. Nature/Nurture doesn't matter as to the cause it's there. And even in the midst of a happy life with a wonderful wife, and a job, and new hobbies, interests and friends...the feeling of lacking persists. There is too much disconnect with how I view myself with how I actually am.
I should have consulted the 110 newly minted Doctors of Psychology before I put the pill in my mouth, but they look so cute. And they are yellow, so I couldn't stop thinking of the Stone's song, Mother's Little Helper...
As an update, I consulted several of them last night and they are pretty cool with it, though wary of course, of physicians over perscribing pills. They advise me not to go on anti-ADHD meds (of which I was recently diagnosed).
Last night there was no transformative feelings, but I went to bed very late and sacked out immediately, even if only for 5.5 hours or so.
So this is about the transformation in progress. As with all other things, more on this as it develops.
Everyday is a new me, tied only together by the history of myself. Who would I wake up as? It was good question, and one that was there last night as I was disoriented 5 ways from Tuesday.
The evolution of myself over the last 8 years has been a strange one that has left me further from where I thought I would be. Slowly day by day, fear and negativity has crept into my life. Nature/Nurture doesn't matter as to the cause it's there. And even in the midst of a happy life with a wonderful wife, and a job, and new hobbies, interests and friends...the feeling of lacking persists. There is too much disconnect with how I view myself with how I actually am.
I should have consulted the 110 newly minted Doctors of Psychology before I put the pill in my mouth, but they look so cute. And they are yellow, so I couldn't stop thinking of the Stone's song, Mother's Little Helper...
As an update, I consulted several of them last night and they are pretty cool with it, though wary of course, of physicians over perscribing pills. They advise me not to go on anti-ADHD meds (of which I was recently diagnosed).
Last night there was no transformative feelings, but I went to bed very late and sacked out immediately, even if only for 5.5 hours or so.
So this is about the transformation in progress. As with all other things, more on this as it develops.
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