I once spoke Russian

Or at least, had some people believing I could.

Years ago when I worked for Trader Joe's, I noticed that we had a rather sizeable Russian customer base. So I decided to learn a few simple phrases to impress them with at the cash register.
Real simple stuff:
Zdravstvujte! How do you do?
Do svidaniya! Good bye! (Literally: See you next time!)
Izvini (te) Excuse me
Pozhalujsta Please or It's a pleasure
Spasiba Thank you etc.

Some co-workers happened to overhear me use these phrases with customers, and I'd beam at their looks of puzzlement, and mild astonishment.
I have always made a habit of putting on the overcoat of mystery and intrigue when around other people. I like to keep them guessing about me. I would say it was a motivating factor in my learning those phrases, just as I had done at another job with Japanese (little of which I now recall).
It often backfires.

One day, it backfired. I get a call over the intercom that a group of Russian ladies need my help.
So I head on over, and four little Russian ladies barrage me with questions in Russian.
Trouble was, I never learned how to say K sozhaleniyu, ya poka ne govoryu po russki.

You try prounouncing that.

This was embarrassing enough. But another night, years earlier and this time a drunken one with my girlfriend and her friends whom I had just met, I tried something similar.
Only this time, I started making up shit that I thought sounded Russian,attempting to quote John Cleese from A Fish Called Wanda, thinking there is no way any of these people spoke Russian. They were just some goth kids after all.

To the short, one of the girls spoke fluent Russian.
None of that nonsense was Russian, she proclaimed in English, then Russian, and none of it sounded remotely like Russian.

Thaedra broke up with me the next day.

But just imagine the uncomfortable silence that followed. Imagine how the night progressed from there.