Some words from my Headshrinker
So I’ve mentioned here that I’m seeing a therapist for Anxiety Disorder, and we are kind of there sitting around wondering what to talk about next, and he asks me about my marriage. My marriage is excellent I tell him, but because I am there for the honesty, I tell him that my wife and I don’t have sex as much as I would like. And he asks me if we’ve talked about it, and I say of course, but to be honest I will not pressure my wife to have sex with me. I don’t tell him this: I believe that Alessandra never has to do anything she doesn’t want to do, as far as this marriage is concerned. It’s written into our vows that I give the freedom to be the person she is supposed to be, and so on, but I do my best to get the point across.
Let me preface this next statement that I think my therapist is a good man I like him but he is, how shall we say it, old school. He is an Orthodox Jewish Elder, and as such, his reality tunnel is a little different from mine. He proceeds to tell me that I should impress upon my wife that she should consider occasionally having sex with me if she doesn’t want to. His logic is essentially: Why should desire have anything to do with it? “We often don’t want to go to work on Monday, but we do it anyway.”
My mind flipped out completely. I had forgotten that there are people who have opinions that are not mine, some of which would seem antiquated from my point of view. I tell him in no uncertain terms that, that is not how I operate. And we discuss sex in which he then tells me that “It’s the man who controls the sex in the relationship.” Which proceeded to blow my mind even further, because as far as I’m concerned, in my experience, it’s the woman. Why do you think I dig ‘em so much. Gatekeepers indeed. “With out an erect penis, there is no sex, and the womans needs are not met.” !!!!!!! For a few moments I wondered who this gentleman was in front of me. I guess he’s never heard of tongues and vibrators. At some point in the conversation he mentioned, It’s the man who controls the sex in the relationship, and the woman is a receptacle”. Then, however, he did say that he did support Polygamy, because he believed that in the old days if a man had multiple wives then he could just move on to the next one. I can live with that one.
What different world views! In this case I feel like Nü Man vs Status Quo. Look at where I'm coming from. I cannot believe in forcing my attention on someone who simply doesn’t want it. Of course, I could be more romantic, and I’m working on that too. Those kinds of emotions are what Everyday Avatar is about. Being able move past my own self-imposed limitations. In that way I feel different than other people. Something I have to be careful not to feel better than just different. When I ran this past JohnFen, he mentioned that the Doctor’s analogy was fair, but the idea of giving someone a gift is also a good idea. However, there’s receiving a gift, and expecting one, one I will accept, the other I won’t. Giving happens in the mind of the giver, and if my wife ever wants to give me a gift and not tell me, then that’s good, but I can’t abide the sexpectation of the husband, Alessandra is not chattel. Hottie yes, Property no. But to give the good Dr. credit, he did not say that Alessandra was property or owes me anything. He merely suggested she could occasionally put my needs over hers.
Sex is great, and it’s stellar when both people are working towards the same goal, giving the other pleasure, sharing and losing one’s self in the other. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Let me preface this next statement that I think my therapist is a good man I like him but he is, how shall we say it, old school. He is an Orthodox Jewish Elder, and as such, his reality tunnel is a little different from mine. He proceeds to tell me that I should impress upon my wife that she should consider occasionally having sex with me if she doesn’t want to. His logic is essentially: Why should desire have anything to do with it? “We often don’t want to go to work on Monday, but we do it anyway.”
My mind flipped out completely. I had forgotten that there are people who have opinions that are not mine, some of which would seem antiquated from my point of view. I tell him in no uncertain terms that, that is not how I operate. And we discuss sex in which he then tells me that “It’s the man who controls the sex in the relationship.” Which proceeded to blow my mind even further, because as far as I’m concerned, in my experience, it’s the woman. Why do you think I dig ‘em so much. Gatekeepers indeed. “With out an erect penis, there is no sex, and the womans needs are not met.” !!!!!!! For a few moments I wondered who this gentleman was in front of me. I guess he’s never heard of tongues and vibrators. At some point in the conversation he mentioned, It’s the man who controls the sex in the relationship, and the woman is a receptacle”. Then, however, he did say that he did support Polygamy, because he believed that in the old days if a man had multiple wives then he could just move on to the next one. I can live with that one.
What different world views! In this case I feel like Nü Man vs Status Quo. Look at where I'm coming from. I cannot believe in forcing my attention on someone who simply doesn’t want it. Of course, I could be more romantic, and I’m working on that too. Those kinds of emotions are what Everyday Avatar is about. Being able move past my own self-imposed limitations. In that way I feel different than other people. Something I have to be careful not to feel better than just different. When I ran this past JohnFen, he mentioned that the Doctor’s analogy was fair, but the idea of giving someone a gift is also a good idea. However, there’s receiving a gift, and expecting one, one I will accept, the other I won’t. Giving happens in the mind of the giver, and if my wife ever wants to give me a gift and not tell me, then that’s good, but I can’t abide the sexpectation of the husband, Alessandra is not chattel. Hottie yes, Property no. But to give the good Dr. credit, he did not say that Alessandra was property or owes me anything. He merely suggested she could occasionally put my needs over hers.
Sex is great, and it’s stellar when both people are working towards the same goal, giving the other pleasure, sharing and losing one’s self in the other. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
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